Jenac Industrial Security Systems

Jenac Industrial Security Systems is a company rogue governments, shadow corporations and misunderstood geniuses have trusted since 1953. Our popular line of passive security systems such as CCTVs, biometric scanners, laser grids and panic rooms are known throughout the world for their quality, dependability and value. Also our lethal systems, including our famous, “Chuminator Shark Tank,” have thwarted the machinations of super spies, paramilitary squads and delusional costumed vigilantes from foiling the plans of our privacy-conscious clients.

We are proud to announce the latest in self-destruction technology with our new BRB 6000 Self-Destruction System. You know the success of our older models, which have made headlines over the decades – the implosion in Kingston (1954), the quake in Kyoto (1967) and the nuclear fallout in Kursk (1985).

We have not rested on our numerous accolades from peers and Stronghold Engineers Weekly. BRB 6000 is the self-destruction technology of the new century, meeting the demands of would-be world leaders in the digital age.

Leaders such as you. You are accustomed to responsive, made-to-order and affordable products and services. You want instant information wirelessly communicated. You want demolition devices that match not only your ambition, but your style and sense of fun. And of course you want a system that shows your concern for the environment. BRB 6000 will leave nothing of your sanctuary while leaving the beauty of the nearby waterfall, glacier or mangrove forest as pristine as ever.

With BRB 6000 you get this and more.

Call today and our friendly, knowledgeable consultants will speak with you over the phone. You and your organization will remain anonymous throughout the entire process. Our consultants will help you decide the right self-destruction package for your needs, based on square acreage, topography, and level and type of razing required.

Have more than one location? No problem. With the latest satellite communications platforms, a self-destruction sequence in one location can be instantaneously broadcast to your other facilities. How’s that for peace of mind?

Once you have decided on the BRB 6000 package, our certified technicians will arrive at your desert base, underwater cavern or nondescript warehouse, usually the next day. Of course we value discretion as much as you, so our team of professionals will arrive in ordinary vehicles such as a floral arrangement delivery van. With minimal disruption, they will work within your timeframe to complete the job and do it right.

At this point in the process you will decide among the aesthetic options we offer to compliment your unique tastes. The classic cherry red button is just one of many colors. Popular choices are Time to Die Black, No One Gets Me Teal and Orange Burst.

Size is up to you, whether you want a small plunger under your executive desk that can be tapped by your foot or a dinner plate-sized button that can be activated from across the room by a thrown object should you be physically obstructed from reaching it.

And don’t forget our variety of pre-installed evacuation announcers. Many of our clients are familiar and pleased with our reliable “Sassy Sally” and “Panicky Patti” voice-overs to direct evacuees to the nearest exits. Now we offer “Regrets, Reginald” for that understated, clipped British voice to inform your employees of the number of minutes remaining till your lair explodes into thoroughly untraceable, unreadable, and unidentifiable bits. Plus, every countdown in our BRB 6000 line is tweeted.

Don’t worry about clean-up. Just because you have pushed the button, doesn’t mean our contractually binding relationship blew apart. Once you are safely away, we will dispatch a crew to recreate a plausible natural disaster scenario so no hint of anything untoward your organization will even be suspected.

That’s the Jenac Industrial Security Systems guarantee.

Sign up for our franchise package and you will have 24-hour support in most areas of the world. We can deploy our trained commandoes to reinforce your own security team or to distract the infiltrators while you make your escape.

Call within the next 10 minutes and receive a free Snuggee. Just speak with our courteous representative and if you choose not to use our services, keep the Snuggee as our gift to you.